the fckn news

french musician Kavinsky was found dead in his home :( https://www.liberation.fr/culture/musique/le-dj-francais-kavinsky-50-ans-retrouve-mort-a-son-domicile-parisien-20260729_AUWACGKOGVCYNMWKDXRB42K674/

sony intends to stop production of physical game media in january 2028 in response to their desire for more money ❝shifting consumer preference❞. there are nearly four thousand comments on their blog post and all of them are overwhelmingly negative. https://blog.playstation.com/2026/07/01/physical-disc-production-ending-in-january-2028-for-new-games-releasing-on-playstation-consoles/

kier starmer has resigned as prime minister https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/ckger03mrl0t

nintendo did another direct thing. • zelda ocarina of time remake releasing this year • kingdom hearts 4 exists and will suck the switch 2’s dick, KH 1-3 for switch 2 releases 8th october, KH3+ReMind demo today • deltarune chapter 5 releases 24th june • rhythm heaven groove releases 2nd july • final fantasy resonance releases 22nd october • star fox launches 25th june, demo out today • big walk releases 4th august other stuff in the cut minecraft is getting a switch 2 enhanced version splatoon raiders comes out 23rd july dragon quest monsters: the witchered world comes out 3rd december for switch 1 and 2 fromsoft’s “the duskbloods” is switch 2 exclusive, comes out this summer nintendo switch sports resort is getting a switch 2 enhanced version but they phrase it like it’s a rerelease or something. comes out 22nd october. xenoblade chronicles games are getting a switch 2 enhanced version. the first is out today, the second will be out 30th july, the third will be out 3rd december. xenoblade genesis comes out for switch 2 in 2027 devil may cry, piss his pants, shit and cum 5 comes out for switch 2 on 23rd june lies of p, the pinocchio game, is getting a switch 2 release on 6th august lords of the fallen 2 will be on switch 2 this autumn, whatever that is jujutsu kaisen rumble: survivation, a game title that reminds me of metal gear rising revengeance, comes out on switch 2 this year donkey kong bananza is getting some more dlc fire emblem fortune’s weave comes out 17th september pokemon pokopia is getting dlc one piece grand gourmet comes out 23rd october for switch 1/2, steam, ios and android ubisoft remembered about rayman and is releasing rayman legends retold for switch 2 on 1st october orbitals, whatever that is, comes out on switch 2 on 3rd september stellar blade is coming out on switch 2 this year dragon’s dogma 2 dark arisen is getting some kind of expansion on 9th october for all platforms onimusha way of the sword, whatever that is, comes out for switch 2 on 25th september

the one engineer who still works at microsoft took a moment to write damage control a blog post about microsoft's commitment to shit nobody wants quality. your fckn news correspondent for desperate pleas to stop switching to linux or mac has reviewed it and given it a sloppy 1 out of 10. microsoft pinky promises that future updates to windows 11 will: - add back in the ability to move the taskbar to the left, right or top of the screen or to make it smaller, functions that windows had from 95 through 10, that was removed because they rewrote the windows shell in javascript (this is hyperbole, but only somewhat) - add more ai "where it's meaningful", removing it from notepad. no mention of mspaint. also no acknowledgement that nobody fucking asked for ai to begin with. - they're gonna make file explorer, another windows component that was completely fine from windows 95 through 10 but which they completely fucked up in 11, "faster and more dependable". it is frankly embarrassing that they ever shipped a version of windows with the fucking file explorer in that state. the award for the funniest thing a microsoft employee has written to try and get people to use windows goes to: "Improving the Start and Taskbar experience [to] deliver even more consistent, dependable access to apps and files" (these are sort of the core entrypoint of the windows experience so it's, again, frankly embarrassing that microsoft ever shipped windows with them in that state) https://blogs.windows.com/windows-insider/2026/03/20/our-commitment-to-windows-quality/

a giant underground steel pipe being used as a retaining structure for underground sewer construction work rose more than ten metres above the ground overnight in osaka. https://apnews.com/article/japan-osaka-pipe-underground-pipe-rise-474d725b9a714ac556a8379c1e470fd8

disgraced former south korean prime minister yoon suk yeol has been formally convicted and sentenced to life in prison for the attempted insurrection https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/cq8gy8nexvdt

“death stranding 2: what if australia was real” will be coming to PC on the 19th of March this year (just over a month from now). https://store.steampowered.com/app/3280350/DEATH_STRANDING_2_ON_THE_BEACH

they put up a second trailer revealing it’ll be on steam, xbox series whatever, and switch 1 and 2. https://youtube.com/watch?v=Le2VFSdYzPw

konami announced that they remembered metal gear solid 4 exists and that it can’t be played on anything but a PS3, so they’re releasing it for PS5 (your fckn news correspondent for video games did not have information on other platforms at this time) on the 27th of august this year. https://youtube.com/watch?v=70gPRab24xY

scott adams, massive racist and creator of a newspaper comic strip that was mostly notable because a lot of newspaper readers worked in an office and hated it, is dead. https://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/books/news/dilbert-creator-dead-scott-adams-b2899717.html

hello i bring some good news: kim davis, a fuckwit from kentucky who was jailed in 2015 for refusing to issue marriage certificates to non-straight couples and who recently requested that the supreme court of the united states revisit their previous ruling on obergefell v. hodges, has been told to go fuck herself yet again. surprisingly the decision from the supreme court justices did not note any dissenting opinions on the rejection. https://thehill.com/regulation/court-battles/5597353-supreme-court-rejects-davis-appeal/

nintendo did another direct. the highlights: - virtual boy is coming to nintendo switch, complete with a real life physical recreation of the original virtual boy console, that you slot the switch unit into. i'm laughing my ass off. - yoshi and the mysterious book features yoshi voring a plant - metroid prime 4 releases on the 4th of december, and it's gonna be an open world game where samus is a biker girl - another fucking cosy life sim farming game, this time pokemon themed. the protagonist is a ditto that looks like a human. - danganronpa 2 for switch with new story stuff idk. i kinda couldn't get into these games. - super mario galaxy 1+2 for switch - super mario wonder got a switch 2 upgrade with some new stuff - donkey kong banana has new DLC - mario tennis fever, including an adventure mode where the characters all get age regressed down to babies - resident evil 9: requiem is coming to switch 2 and it looks pretty good. also re7 biohazard and re8 village are getting released on switch. - final fantasy 7 remake intergrade. at this point you kinda have to respect how absurd the FF VII situation is. - tomodachi life: living the dream dishonourable mentions: - chris "rip charlie kirk" pratt reprises his role as mario in "super mario galaxy the movie". https://www.ign.com/articles/nintendo-direct-september-2025-live-updates-everything-announced

apparently i didn’t report on bolsonaro’s pathetic attempt at his own 6th of January. anyway jair bolsonaro, failboy extraordinaire, has been found guilty by brazil’s supreme court for his attempted coup after losing to Lula. https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c147n38k800o

charlie kirk has become a statistic. congrats on the new pronouns of was/were! https://edition.cnn.com/us/live-news/charlie-kirk-shot-utah-09-10-25

charlie “i think it's worth to have a cost of, unfortunately, some gun deaths every single year so that we can have the second amendment to protect our other god-given rights” kirk has been shot at a debate in utah. we in the fckn newsroom all wish kirk a very pleasant second part of the phrase “gun death”. https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025/sep/10/charlie-kirk-shot-utah

good news! the prime minister of nepal has stepped down after failing to quash an anti-corruption movement. your fckn news correspondent for shouting "yass queen" at videos of nepal government members being kicked in the street had this to say: "lmao." this comes amidst the nepal parliament building being set ablaze and video footage of the nepal finance minister being kicked sicknasty into a wall while attempting to flee. most headlines on this issue seem to stick to the facts of "the nepal government did a corrupt thing in order to try and stop anti-corruption protests", but the fckn news would like to award The Times with today's heavily-sarcastic award for bias-free and neutral reporting with its headline: "Nepal protests: 20 dead in Gen Z riots over social media ban" https://www.bbc.com/news/live/c741n80ndlxt

bad news again sorry. trump is killing the US Chemical Safety Bureau, whose popular youtube channel documents a number of the chemical safety incidents they’ve investigated over the years in the form of animated safety briefings. the csb’s main thing is that they investigate things like chemical plant explosions and identify the issues that led to (often) death or injury, often calling out other parts of the US government (eg. OSHA) when sufficient action or enforcement hasn’t taken place that would’ve prevented or lessened impact of a disaster. https://grist.org/energy/trump-quietly-shutters-the-only-federal-agency-that-investigates-industrial-chemical-explosions/

jonathan joss, voice of john redcorn in king of the hill as well as chief ken hotate in parks & recreation, has been shot and killed by his asshole neighbour. :( https://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/tv/news/jonathan-joss-dead-king-of-the-hill-texas-shooting-b2762172.html

the dipshit misogynist who looks like a bob’s burgers character in real life and can’t pronounce “water” right, and his brother, are now facing an extradition order to the UK to stand trial on charges of rape, actual bodily harm, sex trafficking and “controlling prostitution for gain” https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/ckg41g1140po