abdumurodova15

Bugun silarga random narsalarni gapirib beraman: O’tgan oy bitta favorite TA’imni ko’rib qolib sovg’a berdim. Hozir galeriyamni ko’rib qanaqa arab tiliga harakat qilganim esimga tushib ketdi. Bundan bir yil oldin, ancha mentally independent edim va hozir yana shuni harakatidaman. Hozirgi vaqtda eng yaxshi qilishim mumkin bo’lgan ish hech narsa qilmaslik, let things happen in their flow) Ba’zida potentialim qanaqa baland qizligimni esimdan chiqarib qo’yaman, just reminding myself) Qancha narsani eplolishimni, xohlasam nimalar qo’limdan kelishini esimdan chiqarib qo’yaman) Birinchi marta Amerikaga kelganim kechagidek esimda, birinchi night, birinchi lecture, professor, hammasi, nasib advisorim bilan oxirgi marta gaplashib bildimki yaqinda bitirib qolaman universitetni. Life is much more interesting and exciting to live) and you all guys are much more than what you think you are capable of)

Hob Gadling hikoyasi DC komikslarida mifologik xudolar haqida hikoyalar ko'p. Ulardan birida o'lim xudosi va tushlar xudosi opa-uka bo'lishadi va kunlarni birida ular kafeda Hob Gadling ismlik odamni do'stlari o'rtasida men o'lmaslik xohlayman deganini eshitgan. Opa-uka garrov o'ynashadi, bu inson hayotdan zerikadi va o'lishni xohlaydi oxir oqibat deb. Tushlar xudosi inson oldiga borib sen endi o'lmaysan va har yuz yilda shu kafeda sen bilan ko'rishamiz degan edi. Albatta, Hob ishonmagan ammo 100 yil ichida o'lmagan bu narsaga ishondi va qaytib bordi. Hikoya 14-asrda boshlangan, 100 yilda u oddiy insondan savdogarga o'zgaradi, keyin oligarxga, barchasini yo'qotgan qashoq, sehrgarlikda ayblanib chiqgan, oddiy hayotga qaytgan inson, professor. Bularning bari Hobning har yuz yilgi hayotini tasvirlab beradi. Bularning barida tushlar xudosi uning hayoti haqida suhbatlashadi. Nima qilding, nima o'rganding, va eng muhim savol: "keyinchalik ham yashamoqchimisan?" Vaqt tufayli borini yoqotgan bo'lsa ham u yana yashashni tanlaydi. Taxminan 10taga yaqin komiks nashrida chiqgan bo'lsada(komiks uchun kam), bu qahramon meni yoqtirganlarimdan. Bu insonni hayotni qabul qila olishi, sinovlariga qaramay hayotda umid bilan yasha olishi e'tiborga loyiq. U abadiy yashaydi, lekin bu abadiylik unga faqat chiroyli kunlarni bermaydi. Aksincha, vaqt unga boylikni ham, qashshoqlikni ham, hurmatni ham, xorlikni ham, yo‘qotishlarni ham ko‘rsatadi. Tanlangan inson qaysidir yunon faylasufi bo'lmagan, savol so'raganda so'z o'yini ham qilmagan, hayotni oqlamagan. U shunchaki hali ham yashashni xohlashini aytadi.

Junior year’dan bir nechta rasmlar. real life memories. Hozirgi yoshimda har doimgiga qaraganda ham sayohatga o’chroqman, har doimgidan ko’proq yoqtirib qolganman. Duabi, Qatar yoki California ham yoqdi, muslim country bo’lgani uchun, ayniqsa bir o’zim sayohat…

Har xil fikr aylanadida miyyamda, masalan kecha San Francisco’dan keldim, endi yanayam xohlayman ko’p travel qilishni, miyyam yanayam boshqacha ishliydi. Lekin o’ylayapman, what is more important or better in life, doing good stuffs / deeds, being tolerant and do not judge, let people live. Or actively practicing religion. Studying for/with good grades, or having own space, personal life, hobbies. Or being actively social, being kind, careful or being so private so you just live your private life without anyone knowing what is up to you. What makes a good person or what makes a happy human? Honestly which one is more important, being good or being happy, maybe both at the same time possible? The only thing that I know with that tones of questions, life is much more than we think and there is a lot to discover yet. Please more and more trips for me!

​​Aynan shu yerda yozishni sog’indi odam, hech kim bilmaydi qayta-qayta kelib 1-2 yil oldingi yozganlarimni o’qiyman. Ayam bilan gaplashayotganimda “Tuya cho’ksa, baraka bo’ladi” degan narsani aytib qoldi, ya’ni odam biror narsada muqim bo’lgani yaxshi. Shu narsada bizni avlod oqsoqlansak kerak deb o’yliyman. Ayam doim bizni maqollar o’zi bekorga aytilmagan deydi. Yaqinda bitta inson bilan soha mavzusida gaplashib qoldim, shunda bitta narsani o’yladim demak odam bitta narsani yoqtiradi, boshida mazza qilib o’qiydi lekin har doim ham emas, ma’lum bir muddatdan keyin insonni hayotida “passion”dan ko’ra intizomni o’rni ortadi. Bizni generation’da oldinga surilayotgan har qanday fikr oqimi ham to’g’ri emas, yana va yana odamni ‘information filter’ qobiliyatiga ehtiyoj ko’rsatadi. Hozirgi vaqtda to’g’ri yo’llar, to’g’ri javoblar, to’g’ri fikrlar judayam ko’p, lekin eng katta muammoyimiz ham xuddi shudek. Aqlli narsalar share qilolmayman chunki o’zimda ham savollar, ikkilanishlar ko’p, hammamiz birinchi marta yashayapmiz

Fall’25 wrap up! I would share much more here than these. Hozir kanikulda bo’lib o’ylab qarasam semester ham akademik ham social tarafdan adventurous bo’libdi. Cooking is my hobby now, stress-reliever. But I can’t share them here. Ayni vaqtda inson tushishi mumkin bo’lgan holatlarni eng yomonlaridan bittasi, o’zini aldashi deb hisoblayman, badali og’ir bo’ladi ancha boshqa xatolarga nisbatan. Universitetda 3- kurs odam sifatida, yangi narsalarni o’rganishga “eager” bo’lishlik judayam bir yaxshi xislat, shunaqa odamlar attract qiladi hozir. O’zlaringni ko’p-ko’p discover qilishlaringni tilayman, here for anonymous messages: https://t.me/questianonbot?start=6181815769

Bir kun xonangda, o’zingni xatolarga to’la xolingcha topasan, eng katta yutug’ing bu safar tan olib turganingda, o’zingni oldingda “honest”ligingda. Can I live here for lifetime?!

Please, more good professors for science (math) who really love and enjoy teaching. I do love my umn but still nahotki shunaqa hayhotdek universitetda yaxshi professorlar kam, 2 ta o’zim yoqtirmayotgan professorimni “rate my professor” review’larini o’qib chiqdim hozir, people are all suffering. Why do they still teach actually? Keyin yana bitta Minnesotan, universitetlar sizni o'qitish uchun emas, o'zingizni o'zingiz o'qitish skillarizni yaxshilash uchun xizmat qiladi degandan keyin ishonib qolayotganday. Maybe, it is not that much easy to be a really good one in teaching? Personal experience’imdan, universitetni birinchi yillarida ko’proq yaxshi professorlarni uchratganman.

30 days of no any kind of sparkling drink. No chips. Feeling more satisfied. Insonning nimaga sevimli ishi bo’lishi kerak? Balki javob, nafs masalasiga borib taqalar, inson o’zini jamiyatga yoki uning ma’lum bir qismiga kerakli his qilganda o’zidan yanayam satisfaction his qiladi. Yesterday I heard, “you will come to the time when committing sins feel much more easier, you commit sins very easily without realizing that it is wrong, I was here”. Talaba, ya’ni "طالب" kim ekanligini o’ylashimiz kerak, uning bu nom oldida bergan haqlari va olayotgan ma’suliyatlari biz o’ylagandan ancha kengdek tuyulayapti.