ErosCoaching.com

I am offering three retreats in Johor. Three different spaces to come back to what matters. ❤️ CLOSER: Couples Connection Intensive A weekend for couples to communicate more honestly, touch more intentionally, and reconnect emotionally and sexually. https://www.eroscoaching.com/events/closer 🌿 RE:TURN An inclusive 4D3N facilitated intensive to regulate, reconnect, reclaim and rise - designed for people ready to pause, reflect and move forward differently. https://www.eroscoaching.com/events/return ✨ HTHT: Heart-to-Heart Talk Year-End Retreat A relaxed, LGBTQ+ inclusive year-end gathering with guided evening conversations, shared meals, rest, reflection and community. https://www.eroscoaching.com/events/htht All three retreats are intentionally small and include a screening conversation to ensure the space is a good fit for you. To enquire, please complete the enrolment form on the relevant event page, or email me directly at drmarthalee@eroscoaching.com to arrange a screening chat.

Ever been called the black sheep of the family? Maybe you questioned tradition. Chose a path your family did not understand. Loved across race, gender or culture. Or simply refused to become who everyone expected you to be. Baa Baa Blacksheep: Confessions of the Family Rebels is a night of live storytelling and comedy celebrating the rebels, disruptors and cycle-breakers in our families. Each performer gets five minutes to share the moment they realised they were different — whether hilarious, painful, shocking or liberating. Expect laughter, gasps and plenty of “OMG, SAME.” 📅 Thursday, 27 August 2026 🕢 7:30–9:30 p.m. 📍 Black Sheep & Co, 26 Haji Lane 🎟 S$25, inclusive of one S$15 drink 🏳️‍🌈 100% of proceeds go to RainbowAsia Because sometimes, being the black sheep means being the most honest person in the room. Sign up to perform OR to attend! https://www.eroscoaching.com/events/baa-baa-blacksheep/

I followed my desire and conducted Sexual Attitude Restructuring (SAR) for eight people this weekend Aug 8 to 9, 2026. Half of them came from Singapore, and half from Malaysia. It was a fantastic sharing and weekend as we came together as a group. Now Malaysian Sexologist Andrea @secrettalk_andrea, Shi Wei (Masters in Sexual Health from Taiwan) and myself plan to run this again next year. Stay tuned for details!

Is bigger really better? On Kiss92FM this morning https://www.youtube.com/live/Vvb_Y2NxPG4?is=wqZ55l9u1FgANNRo

Instead of usual Friday spot, I'd be on Kiss92 tomorrow discussing size! Stay tuned!

Should you wait till marriage? We discussed this and more juicy things on Kiss92FM The Big Show this morning. https://www.youtube.com/live/CGTy3QfJBP8?is=LnsidkqAowNpi45K

Forgot to post this here. We actually postponed this recording and had a do-over of the questions so as to avoid contrived questions, and focus on it being as useful and practical to listeners, so do give this a listen! Dr Martha Lee, Singapore's First Clinical Sexologist, explains why communication, emotional connection and pleasure are just as important as physical attraction. She also answers common questions about libido, vaginismus, pornography, masturbation, dating apps and maintaining intimacy throughout different stages of life. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ln6wrgDd9_w&t=15s

A replaceable job does not make you disposable. I’ve worked as a bank teller, waitress, retail assistant, dishwasher, flier distributor, airport trolley pusher and security officer. These jobs showed me how differently people treat you when they think your work—or your presence—doesn’t matter. Being repeatedly ignored, blamed, shouted at or spoken down to can slowly change how you see yourself. You may begin to question your worth, stay silent to avoid trouble, or accept behaviour that should never have become normal. I wrote this comprehensive guide on what repeated mistreatment does to the mind and body, how to respond without escalating conflict, and how to rebuild your dignity afterwards. You can take responsibility for a mistake without accepting humiliation or abuse. https://www.eroscoaching.com/2026/06/the-silent-erosion-of-self-worth-how-repeated-mistreatment-affects-lives-how-to-reclaim-your-dignity/

The “Burned Haystack” dating method is simple: stop wasting time on people who show low effort, disrespect or incompatible intentions. Don’t argue, chase or become endless pen pals. Block and move on. I've met many people who blame a particular app or online dating itself. Yet the app is just a place of meeting—the more important question is how we choose. We still need discernment, boundaries and realistic expectations. No method can guarantee chemistry or a healthy relationship. The goal isn’t to treat people as disposable. It is to stop treating our own time and wellbeing as disposable. https://www.vice.com/en/article/the-2-personality-traits-long-term-couples-actually-have-in-common/?fbclid=IwY2xjawTPHF5leHRuA2FlbQIxMABicmlkETE3SU13QzBQZURsUWdxT3oxc3J0YwZhcHBfaWQQMjIyMDM5MTc4ODIwMDg5MgABHn1xajrsYKrcPcOtRcEKBa1sBoC_zOKsBv5SxINhYs-YpHsT9sacOCTq0oNU_aem_2HRBiBLF5q7g-DTBhuKlLA

Preliminary findings from SG Her Empowerment (SHE) point to a worrying gender divide: Gen Z women and men (born in 1997 or later) were further apart on traditional gender roles than older generations. Meanwhile, 30% of Gen Z and millennial men (born in 1981 or later) agreed or were neutral that spousal violence could sometimes be acceptable. This does not mean 30% endorsed violence. However, failing to reject it unequivocally is still concerning. This could mean: 1️⃣ Greater conflict over sex, money, careers, housework and caregiving 2️⃣ Sexual rejection or independence being interpreted as disrespect 3️⃣ More pressure, coercion and controlling behaviour within relationships 4️⃣ Women feeling unsafe while men feel increasingly resentful Sexuality education alone cannot solve this. Parents and schools must teach boys emotional regulation and how to handle rejection. Men must challenge misogyny among other men. Platforms must address algorithms that promote harmful content. We also need prevention programmes before violence occurs. These beliefs do not remain opinions. They enter dating, sex, marriage and the home. https://cnalifestyle.channelnewsasia.com/women/sg-her-empowerment-study-gender-norms-586326

Do French women really have the best sex lives in the world? French sexologist Marie Morice believes they may enjoy better sex because pleasure is treated as a normal part of life. Women are encouraged to remain sensual as they age, explore what they enjoy and tell their partners what they want. Reading this from my experience as a sexologist in Singapore and Asia, I see a different cultural picture. While Asia is not one culture, many of my clients were raised to prioritise family harmony, fertility and being a “good” partner—but not to understand their bodies or communicate their desires. This can lead to duty sex or pity sex: saying yes because we feel responsible for a partner’s needs, guilty about saying no or afraid of causing conflict. This should not be confused with freely desired sex, and in some situations, pressure may cross into coercion. Over time, repeatedly having unwanted sex can create resentment, avoidance and more sexual difficulties. We do not need to become more French. But perhaps we can stop treating pleasure as selfish—and sex as another household duty. What do you genuinely want, rather than simply tolerate? https://www.telegraph.co.uk/health-fitness/wellbeing/sex/im-french-sexologist-how-parisians-spicy-relationships/?utm_source=chatgpt.com

Ever been called the black sheep of the family? Maybe you questioned tradition. Chose a path your family did not understand. Loved across race, gender or culture. Or simply refused to become who everyone expected you to be. Baa Baa Blacksheep: Confessions of the Family Rebels is a night of live storytelling and comedy celebrating the rebels, disruptors and cycle-breakers in our families. Each performer gets five minutes to share the moment they realised they were different — whether hilarious, painful, shocking or liberating. Expect laughter, gasps and plenty of “OMG, SAME.” 📅 Thursday, 27 August 2026 🕢 7:30–9:30 p.m. 📍 Black Sheep & Co, 26 Haji Lane 🎟 S$25, inclusive of one S$15 drink 🏳️‍🌈 100% of proceeds go to RainbowAsia Because sometimes, being the black sheep means being the most honest person in the room. Sign up to perform OR to attend! ErosCoaching.com/events

What if the biggest problem in your relationship isn’t sex—but how you talk about it? I joined Durga Poonambalam on the OpenHaus Podcast to discuss what really happens to intimacy over time—and why couples should seek support before resentment, avoidance or duty sex becomes entrenched. We talked about: 🟦 Libido versus sex drive 🟦 Painful sex and vaginismus 🟦 Duty sex, consent and coercion 🟦 Pornography and masturbation 🟦 Parenthood, stress and medication 🟦 Dating apps, AI and modern intimacy 🟦 Why there is no “normal” amount of sex 🟦 Small habits that keep intimacy alive Whether you’re single, dating or married, this conversation may help you think differently about sex, pleasure and emotional connection. 🎧 Listen on Spotify: https://tinyurl.com/openhaus-spotify 🎧 Listen on Apple Podcasts: https://tinyurl.com/openhaus-apple https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ln6wrgDd9_w&t=15s

Yesterday, I posted about a triggering consultation at KKH. A doctor’s well-intentioned suggestions about cycling and swimming unexpectedly brought back memories of being physically harmed and sexually harassed when I was younger. I thought I should go deeper into why some women say they hate being women. Often, they do not hate themselves or their bodies. They hate what being a woman has required of them: constant vigilance, calculating risk, protecting themselves and sometimes protecting other girls when they were still children themselves. Many men may not realise that a woman’s reaction does not begin with the present interaction. Behind her hesitation, guardedness, anger or distrust may be years of being stared at, followed, harassed, touched, sexualised, dismissed or expected to remain polite while feeling unsafe. What can men do? 1) Listen without immediately defending men or explaining why she should not feel that way. Rest... https://www.facebook.com/share/p/18xkzzjQNv/

The anticipation. The rising excitement. The tension, release and afterglow. ⚽️  Watching a World Cup final can send our bodies through emotional highs and lows that may look surprisingly similar to sexual arousal. Neither follows a perfectly smooth or predictable curve—and sexual pleasure does not require orgasm. But this morning certainly delivered a memorable climax. Congratulations to Spain, the 2026 FIFA World Cup champions! 🇪🇸

I went to KKH today after a polyclinic referral to discuss my perimenopausal symptoms, including the weight I have gained, especially around my belly. Me: “…weight gain even though I’ve gone back to walking one to two hours every day.” Doctor: “That is not enough. Need to raise your heart rate.” Me: “I do do brisk walking.” (Implying that my heart rate does go up.) Doctor: “How about running, cycling or swimming?” Me: “I have bad knees.” Doctor: “How about cycling?” Me: (I had an immediate flashback to my first visit to East Coast Park after learning to cycle, when an older cyclist deliberately pushed me off my bicycle. I fell and bruised my knees, and I have been afraid of cycling ever since.) “I can’t.” Doctor: “How about swimming?” Rest of post here https://www.facebook.com/share/p/1HMcTLEw8C/

It's out. July enewsletter by ErosCoaching.com https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/july-2026-work-rest-reaching-halfway-mark-dr-martha-tara-lee-lb73c

What happens when we compare real people with beautifully written characters who always seem to know the right thing to say? Yes, we should expect emotional maturity, communication, consent and care. But we also need compassion for clumsy or failed attempts at connection. People sometimes get nervous, say things badly or completely misread the moment. The important question is: when something goes wrong, can they listen, apologise, repair and learn? We cannot ask people to be vulnerable, then shame them for not doing it perfectly. And we should not judge the same behaviour differently depending on someone’s gender. Real intimacy is not about getting everything right. It is about how we treat each other when we don’t. https://www.psychologytoday.com/sg/blog/sex-esteem/202607/can-smutty-tv-change-relationship-expectations